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Her jokes

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?

"I will be back next month."

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    • Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

    What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?

    Screamed till her hands fell off.

    My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

    I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

    Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

    I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

    A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...

    So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

    Knock knock?

    Who's there?

    Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.

    Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.

    How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth

    A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

    A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

    One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

    Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

    Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

    All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

    The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."