A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "everytime someone lies, it ticks once, Mother Terresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, " Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Three Nuns died in a car crash, they went up to heaven at the pearly gates the gate keeper said this really should not have happened so I am going to send you back to earth as different people so tell me who you want to be or look like the first nun said I want to look like Madonna puff,,you look like her now and but you can’t use her name And sent her down to earth. The second one said I want to look like Marilyn Monroe he then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun I said I want to look like Sarah Pipalini. The gate keeper says to her, Sarah Pipalini who is that? she gives the gate keeper a newspaper article he reads it shakes his head no and says it’s not Sarah Pipalini it Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men.
What’s Steven Hawkins favorite song? Highway to hell because it’s a staircase to heaven.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why is stephen hawkings in hell? He couldnt get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus. The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse." "How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell
There’s a stairway to heaven.
What does the Bible stand for? Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How did Stephen Hawkins make it up the stair way to heaven? Well he didn’t they invented an elevator
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
why do you think after death the angle says do not be afraid search up biblically accurate angles
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
When I went to heaven I saw Steven hawking standing there I asked why he isn’t gone into heaven yet he said there is stairs
a man dies and goes to heaven he sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for, he replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. he said that mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincon's once, and George Washington's never. the man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Bidden's is the one keeping the hurricane's to speed
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun, and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
(wow two pregnancy jokes in a row)
Farrah Fawcertt, upon arriving at the pearly gates, god asked her, for having lead such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe. Five hours later, Michel Jackson died.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate. But I didn't want to get saved I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
