[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
Why is Steven Hawkins going to hell............. because its a stairway to heaven not a ramp!
Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion". The first guy came back with 10 apples and by the second one he started to grunt so he was killed and eaten. The second one came back with cherries and when he went to put the 10th one in he started to laugh so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven and the first guy said" dude you were so close what happened?" The second one said" I would have made it but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!"đđđ¤Łđ¤Ł
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months. At the funeral, a man see the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man look at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Hey God what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire
sounds like a match made in heaven
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, âMolly, who created Heaven and Earth?â
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
âJesus Christ almighty!â shouts Molly.
âCorrect,â says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, âMolly, who created Heaven and Earth?â
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jackâs pencil.
âJesus Christ almighty!â she shouts.
âCorrect again,â says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, âWhat did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?â
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams âIf you stick that thing in me one more time Iâm going to crack it in half!â
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
God: âSteven join usâ *sees the staircase to heaven* Steven: âshitâ
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."
little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor
Stephen Hawkings is sooo lucky to go to heave- Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
3 blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke , each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer. So the angel begins telling them the joke, one of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laugjhs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said ''this is the last step if you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass. The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, ''What do you ca..'' out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. ''Why are you laughing I haven't even finished the joke yet''? The blonde replies '' I just got the first joke''.
A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
[God creating bees] God: putt a needel on their butt Angel: come on god wha- God: make its puke delicious Angel: wtf
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"
