Heard jokes

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."

😂😂😂😂

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

I can't help myself I put it down on paper All the different stages, memories of us That's the only way I know that I can shake it Writing all our pages, every single thought I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic No, you've never tried to understand Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.

Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to

I can't wait for you to recognize the stories Like when you said i was beautiful Will you act as if you haven't even heard it? Nothing of it really matters 'Cause I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic Go back to the start to get an end Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.

Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to

Just to get over what we lost, what we lost I put it in words to clear my thoughts And just to get over, over us I had to, I had to

Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to

sorry kenny?!

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

You've heard of anal sex.

You've heard of oral sex.

You've heard of genital sex.

But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?

Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"

Lol, these jokes have been heard millions of times.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.

Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.

Hupun DEEZ NUTS!

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

Have you ever heard of emo pizza?

It cuts itself!

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).