Heard jokes

Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.

Hupun DEEZ NUTS!

Do you know Warrior Cats?

I heard Hawkfrost is cold.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo.

Heard the Helen Keller single?

It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

I heard that the Twin Towers have some plane DNA.

Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?

Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."

Why did the rapper go to the seafood restaurant?

Because he heard they had PHAT BASS.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

Why do orphans have no sense of humor?

I guess they've never heard a dad joke.