Heard jokes

Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.

Hupun DEEZ NUTS!

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo.

Heard the Helen Keller single?

It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.

Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?

Why did the rapper go to the seafood restaurant?

Because he heard they had PHAT BASS.

Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?

Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

I heard that the Twin Towers have some plane DNA.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

Why do orphans have no sense of humor?

I guess they've never heard a dad joke.

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

Why were her hands purple?

She heard it through the grapevine.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

Have you heard of Wendy's?

Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.