Heard jokes

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Do you know Warrior Cats?

I heard Hawkfrost is cold.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo.

Heard the Helen Keller single?

It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.

Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?

Why were her hands purple?

She heard it through the grapevine.

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

Why do orphans have no sense of humor?

I guess they've never heard a dad joke.

Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!

Have you heard of Wendy's?

Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

I heard that the Twin Towers have some plane DNA.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?

Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."