Health and safety tips: looking at your hairline is hazardous, for your best interest please look away.
Technoblade should have drank milk, would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
ICUP WORKS ON 88% OF PEOPLE
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? " they can move it move . ( from king julian)
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? "im still standing, yeah yeah yeah" (from elton john)
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis
i work on medicine my jod is to smell it to see if its bad :)
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said ‘ a smile’
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school
Going to school is mandatory in this country
Can you guess my plan?
Today I went to the doctor for a test and he said I have 10 months to live. So later that day I stabbed him to death & the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved
Roses are red my mental health is blue Karen got no mom like you.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam
Doctor: Yup
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor
1. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!" 2. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." 3. A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said, "Sure, just a second." 4. Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations." Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average." Policeman: "About a gallon." 5. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" 6. My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year." 7. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. 8. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. 9. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!" I responded, "Inflation." 10. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
my doctor said i need to lose calories, so i got a piece of paper, wrote calories and lit it on fire.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack 2 weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life) -_-
I don't know what an hd is, but my doctor says I have 80 of em'
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
imagine this senario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "you have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc" and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
