Health jokes

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!

Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.

I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?

Air quality alert code brown!

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.

How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?

Gingervitus.

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

Gay is a mental illness.

You're not thinking straight.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?

"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"