Health jokes
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.