If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
Health Jokes
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
Fuck, my dad has cancer, lol.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Q: Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone?
A: He has turrets.
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Total gym.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
An obese kid farts.
