Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.
That was an egg-cellent joke!
"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"
Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?
His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.
You got a pig head!
Yo head so freaking small, people thought it was an expired grape.
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
Theyâd probably get shellshocked, wasnât it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, Iâm headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
What does your head come out of... your brain?
What was the last thing to go through Princess Dianaâs head before she died?
The steering wheel.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?
A) Head and Shoulders.
Q) Whatâs Stephenâs favorite food?
A) Shoulders.
For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking đ
