Have jokes
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.