Have jokes

What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.

Why does the ice cream have so many friends?

Because he’s cool.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister.

Daughter: But I don't have a sister.

Dad: Exactly.

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:

"I have good news and bad news."

The wife said: "What's the good news?"

"We managed to save his arm."

"What's the bad news?"

"We couldn't save the rest of him."

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.