Hat jokes
Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.
Toilet paper fight hat.
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Jon said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, “What would happen if I cut off one ear?” Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Amanpreet answered. “Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
Boi.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They wear their rhymes!