A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
there was a animal on my porch then i shot in the head it was strange that it had coffee in its hand, i flipped it over and it was an animal but it looked a lot like my kid.
Why did the man sit in his porch and bark at the postman when he came? Because his dog had a sore throat!
Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa! Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it The next day, the Grandpa is dead Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma. Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it. The next day, the Grandma is dead. Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy! Dad- Oh no. If I survive until tommorow, everything will be okay! Survives until tmmrow Dad- Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house* Mom- Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch! (If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
little jonny bad ass was sitting on a porch one day and a preacher was in the house little jonny bad ass had to use the bathroom so he bangs on the door saying mom i half to use the bathroomn his mom ses wait so little jonny bad ass sow a hat on the step he lookes around and pulls his pants down and shits in the hat well a few later the preacher comes out and ses i see u have my hat well little jonny bad ass ses ya i cout the wolds fasts berd the preacher ses well let me see him little jonny bad ass ses no i dont know well the preacher ses ill put my handes by the hat you lift and ill cach him well little jonny bad ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapt his handes and little jonny bad ass ses now see the bird don shit and ran.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2015/11/26/the-ten-funniest-jokes-ever-according-to-science-5527698/?ito=cbshare
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Soliciters are more likely to harrass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch
The bears came home daddy bear said who's been leading my porridge said who's been in my porch baby bear said never mind about the porridge who knocked the telly
one night a father heard his daugter saying good night good night mom god night dad good night mamah good by papa the next day her papa died he heard her saying them a month later good night mom god night dad good by mamah the next day her mamah died well her dad was scared for his life he knew he was next well his daugter said them again good night mom good by dad the next day the mail man droped dead on their porch.
