I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn’t understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.

“These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells.”

“oh cool”

“this is mother Teresa’s clock, the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied.”

“Makes sense”

“This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice.”

“Where’s Trump’s clock”

“Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan.”

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

why were helen kellers hands crippled? From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour

Why did annie fall from the swing

Because she had no hands

Knock knock “Who’s there” Not annie

Why was the astronaut 👩‍🚀 washing her hands?

She was getting ready to eat launch 🚀🥪.

What did one skeleton say to the other? skeleton1:“I need a hand!” skeleton2:(Throws up hand) skeleton1: “That wasn’t very humerus.” skeleton2: “Why do you have to be so heartless.” skeleton1: “At least I had the guts to tell you”

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?”

“Yes,” replies the murderer, “Can you please hold my hand?”

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole.

She screamed until her hands got tired.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It’s an ARMadillo

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor? Nail one hand to the ground…How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn’t outsmart me.

Why couldn’t the T-rex clap his hands?

Because he’s dead

i say hi to sans sans shows is hand and say’s is hand to meet you and we both lath

Bully: your so short u hand-glide on a chip

Short person: welll at least I don’t look like a Giraffe that just came out of an oven

Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that…”

Guy: why can’t Jesus have M&M’s priest: why? Guy: because they’ll fall through the whole in his hands

How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents my one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick i raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick

omg I had a really good hand joke but i just couldn’t put my finger on it.

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