HA jokes
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
Hanson.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Maybe Leo actually isn’t stupid... maybe she just has bad luck with thinking!
"BlessedBrian must be a bank loan... because he has NO INTEREST."
Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
Zack Stargaze has a small willy, lol.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.