Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have ONE DOLLAR
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bath tub? -Throw in some laundry...
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
Hanson.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Maybe Leo actually isn’t stupid... maybe she just has bad luck with thinking!
"BlessedBrian must be a bank loan... because he has NO INTEREST."
Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
Zack Stargaze has a small willy, lol.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister ?
Me & my dad !
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school
So I had him bring my wife
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
