Guy jokes

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.

A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

Why does Mario eat mushrooms?

Because he's a very fungi!

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

What do you call a guy with a sandwich?

A guy with a sandwich.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Orange who?

Orange glad I didn’t say banana. Hahaha, you’re right, I hate that guy!

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?

Five Guys.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!