How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).
What do you call it when Panera is over?
Panera end.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
Son: Dad, what's dark humor?
Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?
Son: No, I'm blind.
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
You guys are better than a triple-scoop ice cream cone... with sprinkles!
Guys, stop making jokes about blind people, they might s... never mind, continue.
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
