I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
Seeing so many balding college students is so sad. Like, why the fuck is your hairline graduating before you?!?
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Where do orphans go to celebrate graduation?
Their parents.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Groupings.
Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Schedule.pdf
Dear Grad Parents, Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear. There will be more information to follow in the coming days. Thank you.
(Shared from the "Wolves E-genda" app.)
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
