You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading?
Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.
These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
If the USA is so good,
Why did they make a USB?
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.
I worry about him sometimes.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? The Leaning Tower of Pisa has good reflexes
"I'm very good in sports."
"In which sports?"
"EA Sports."
