My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
Why are Indians such good actors
Most of them are phone scammers
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
