Good Will jokes

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

Good Morning! Have a Great Day!

#Ijustwokeup

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Her: I love Kobe Bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.

When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...

Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.

Hello, I am the WJE (WORST JOKES EVER) Bot. Like this post if you think it's good; dislike if you think it's bad!

Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?

Because they have no one to tell them off.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

Have a good summer!

Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?

Bc they're good at it.

Good night.

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

Me: "I came home laughing."

Parents: "What's wrong?"

Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

Parents: "What is it?"

Me: "Who farted?"

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"