Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
