Goal jokes
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵
C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.
It's Penalty time and it won't be long.
Gotta dive and cry some more.
It's Penalty time and it won't be long.
‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.
Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
My hopes and dreams.
EXPERIMENT SUCCESSFUL 😱😱 Scientists have created an element named Pessomium 😳😳
Characteristics: - Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 - Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 - Finished 😹🤕 - 0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?
I wanna kick some balls!
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
I scored.
Why are Nazis so good at soccer?
Because they're so good at shooting.
Why can’t an orphan play soccer?
If he can’t find home, he can’t find goal.
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.