Go jokes
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because they're all about those DENTAL GRILLS!
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
I was to go to space camp, but then I realized I had no space to learn.
The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.
(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
Why do Orphans like school?
Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.
"Let go of my nose!"
SLADE is proof that mental aging can go in REVERSE.
Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he heard boys' pants were half off!