Go jokes

Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.

Kid: Ok.

*Bring kid to the orphanage*.

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?

FNAF Sister Location.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

I give props to pedophiles.

They always go slow in the school zones.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?

The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"