Go jokes

Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?

Go look in the mirror.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

Why didn't the bear go to college?

Because bears don't go to college.

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

What's an orphan's favorite game?

"Who's your daddy?"

(Go look up the game)

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

Why did the orphan go to the playground?

To see if it could find its parents.

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

Why couldn't the orphan go on the school field trip?

Because it required a parent's signature.