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Zebra

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

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    • Johnny

    Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

    They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

  • 1

    • Rape victim

    What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

    Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

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    • Uranus

    The winds of Uranus go on and off, so you could say the wind is broken.

    Memes

    Go memes

    Drunk

    A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

    Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

    Race

    Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

    Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

    God says, "You are what you are."

    Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

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    • Zoo

    Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.

    Orphan

    Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?

    He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.

    Tree

    My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

    So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

    I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

    My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

    Knife

    * Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

    Frisk: One knife, plz.

    Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

    Waiter: You eat a knife?

    Frisk: Yes.

    *Waiter asking for one knife*

    Waiter: Here you go.

    Frisk: Thanks you.

    Tower

    What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

    Sorry if that offended anyone.

    “I guess we are going down together!”