Go jokes
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Hi, I love you. You know I do. What a good night of a good time and time to go, oooo!
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!
If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?
That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
I wanted to open a restaurant for the hearing impaired, but the slogan "Enjoy without hesitation" didn't go down so well.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
My sister just sits on the toilet with her iPad, then I go to do something at the sink and she says, "Bella, give me toilet paper!" Then I am annoyed, like super annoyed.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.