You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!
Go Jokes
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
Hey John, how are you going?
Helium, yeah good, what about you?
(Hey Liam)
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
What goes moo? Cow.
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Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sally.
Sally who?
You're going to bed right now.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
