Go Through

Go Through jokes

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

  • 5

    • Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

  • 1

    • What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

  • 0

    • My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

    The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

    With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

  • 4

    • *Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

    Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

    Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

    Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

    Person 1: "...."

    Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

  • 3

    • Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

    The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

    The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

    The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

    If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

    If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

    I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

    If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

    I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

    If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

    I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

    If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

    I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

    My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

    I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

    I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

    I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

    I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

    I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

    My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

    Help me....

    The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!