Girls jokes

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?

They both only change their pads after every third period!

What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?

Elementary, my dear Watson!

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

Girls are like stones.

The flat ones get skipped.

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"