Get jokes

"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"

Jorden Calerendiá.

I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.

Why did the toilet paper get to the bottom of the hill?

Because he went down the drain! - it's a bad joke, lmao.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

What is Trump's favorite snack?

Cheetos.

(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)

Why did Stephen Hawking stop playing hide and seek with his wife?

She kept getting the metal detector out.

Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"

Mom: "Yes."

Son: "Where are my real parents?"

Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.