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Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?

Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

How do you get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.