Get jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Other Friend: Sure.

Friend: Pussy.

Other Friend: I don't get it.

Friend: And you never will.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?

Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.