Get jokes
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.