Get jokes

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

Q: Why did the chef get fired?

A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer: Chi-ca-go

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Why did the fish cross the sea?

To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

What did the downs kid get on his math test??

Drool.

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay man's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."