Get jokes

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer: Chi-ca-go

Why did the fish cross the sea?

To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay man's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

What did the downs kid get on his math test??

Drool.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

Why didn't Sally get home from work?

She got hit by a bus.