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Why can’t orphans play baseball/softball?

They never get to home!

Q: Why did the duck cross the road?

A: To get to the other side.

Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to your house.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?

What do you get from pampered cows?

Spoiled milk.

Sisters before misters.

I hope you get better.

I love you.

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

Why are smurfs blue?

Because they get bruises all the time.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get on the person's face.

When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"

Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.

Why did the rapper get lost in the music?

Because he couldn't find the beat.

Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?

A. They call an AmBOOlance.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To get his degree in FLOW-NOMICS.

Why don’t rappers ever get lost?

They always have a NAVIGATOR dropping the beat.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"