Get jokes
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.