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Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home.

I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.

Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?

The meme shows a four panel image with Thanos on the right and a girl with red hair on the left. The top left panel shows the girl with red hair asking “Did you get a good grade on the exam you studied for?” The top right panel shows Thanos saying “Yes.” The bottom left panel shows the girl again asking “What did it cost?” The bottom right panel shows Thanos with a sad look saying “My freetime.”

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

How do you avoid getting raped? Never say no.

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.

I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

I've seen too many of them get elected.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".