Get jokes

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?

Drool.

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?

An amputation.