Get jokes
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?
Because he wanted to make some rap deposits!
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Why do people adopt orphans?
They get cash.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Your forehead is so big Mega Mind gets jealous.
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
Why did the child cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.