Get jokes
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
What can orphans not get when playing a sport?
A home run!
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!
Had to go to the barbers just to get your hairline sorted.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Dark humor is like water.
Some people get it, others don't.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
What makes you guys high?
I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.