Get jokes
What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?
Puppies get adopted.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??
Milkshake.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
An orphan walks into a shop but gets lost, so he calls his mum but then remembers.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.