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My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

Teacher: Jeff, why did you throw a paper plane at the twins?

Jeff: You wouldn't get it, miss.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

Why did the terrorists crash?

They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.

Lol.

Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?

They di2s drying plans.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?

"Under The Sea!!!!! Under The Sea!!!" - The Little Mermaid

Get it ;) Dead ass motherfucker.