Get jokes
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
What can orphans not get when playing a sport?
A home run!
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!
Had to go to the barbers just to get your hairline sorted.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Dark humor is like water.
Some people get it, others don't.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
What makes you guys high?
I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
He could never get a home run.
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.