Get jokes

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's door.

Knock, knock!

It's the chicken.

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.