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A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?
cancer.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.