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What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

How do you get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

Climb high, climb far,

Get high, get far.

If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?

The no-bell prize.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"