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House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.