Get jokes
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?
They always getting hit.
Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?
Sans: What do you call them?
Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!
Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?
Because they can't get a parent's signature.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?
"Get off my kid!"
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.
I never get off on the wrong foot.
We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
What's the best thing about an abortion joke??
No one gets offended.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did the South tower get instead of pepperoni pizza?
It got a bunch of plane.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.