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Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
What falls but never gets hurt? Snow.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Why did Stephen Hawking stop playing hide and seek with his wife?
She kept getting the metal detector out.
What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Don't you get it? You're the joke, dumbass!