Get jokes
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Don't you get it? You're the joke, dumbass!
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a computer screen, and then they can see the government has to get Chili's."
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
Wanna hear a joke? Your face.
GET DUNKED ONNNNNN!
Why can't orphans get a home run?
Because they have no home to run to.
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
Short people tend to get angry easily...
'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...