What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Get Jokes
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! ð
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! ð ð ð
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the âharshest conditions on earth.â
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
