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So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?
Holy shit.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
Why do gay people get bad grades?
Because they don't get straight A's.
Orphan: Throws a boomerang.
Boomerang: Comes back with his father.
Father: Goes to get milk.
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?