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Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?
What in the Robot!?
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.