I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said "I will fuck you up", she said "try me", so that's exactly what I did and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for 20$ an hour.
A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any ideea how much I hate playing monopoly with my dad.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
i just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the womens right in the fiction section
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low......... better turn em on just stubbed my fucking toe"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck em
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
Mickey Mouse went to a Psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.” The Psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.” He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guys asshole?
He said “Fuck this shit!”
blonde 1: omg! yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian! blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT also blond 2: wait, how much is a Brazilian?
A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I'll f--ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don't have any money. She says ok I'll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.
im m 24 and i was fucking a chinese lady and she kept screaming "im tu yung!" like idk what that name is
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'
